Ozzy Man Reviews: Science Experiment Fails

Ozzy Man Reviews: Science Experiment Fails


Welcome back! This week, we’re looking at the unsurprisingly dangerous world of Science Experiments. Bottle rockets teach us a lot about Earth and who we are. They’re best done outside and aim away from your balls! Human biology 101, aim away from ya balls. Also, aim away from ya face. Is that a Dad or a private school friend? Yeah nah don’t let Dad’s or private school mates oversee experiments. They are the least qualified people to do science with. That’s an opinion though to be fair, not a fact. Also, this is common decency, make sure unqualified assistants are aware of the dangers of science-ing, especially on TV! [Screaming] FUCK ME STUPID. That wasn’t a bottle rocket, it was a soft-drink fueled patriot missile. Massive props to this sheila for acting as cool as carbon despite nearly fucking dying. She’s like “no worries. A bit of blood from the ears never hurt anyone.” Meanwhile, old mate reckons that went well. She remains focused on her crippling tinnitus. Holy shit, he’s pitching a DIY science book. Even the tree branch is yelling “shut the fuck up.” Of course, he does not. “Seriously, I think I’m deaf.” This fella is sticking a soldering iron near his nose. What could go wrong? A lot. A lot could go wrong. He seems to be concentrating more now. No, no, he’s not. You’d hope some people would evolve from their science fails. OW! Rather than go backwards. Humanity doesn’t always evolve however. Ok, I think he’s taking the piss. Surely he’s pretending to be dodgy. Surely. It’s time to answer the age old question: What happens when you apply a blow torch to a bottle of jacks? Let’s have a look at the outcome… It explodes. Yeah, nah. What a waste. Maybe just drink the tasty beverage? Evidently this gentleman has been listening to Insane Clown Posse and needed a refresher on how magnets work. [Music: “Fuckin’ magnets, how do they work?”] Metal! The answer is metal. And it fucking hurts when dozens of bits of metal crush your fingers. OK! We’re in a lab, with an actual science teacher. Full safety gear. No stunts. No bottle rockets in the face. Just good, controlled experimentation. That said, they seem to be setting balls of fire alight JUST below a sprinkler. Now look, I’m not a scientist but my gut tells me, that’s not a good idea. [SPRINKLERS AND SCREAMING] My gut was right. It’s a fact, that if you put fire near sprinkler it goes off. Allright! This Tony Stark-esque science presentation looks MUCH more professional. This should be good. It’s incredible! Look at this amazing robotic bird. This gives me hope! That through science, both man and animal can pave the way for a better world… oh, what?! Fucked it. Oh we’re all fucked. Dammit!

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